I was one of those kids who named themselves. Maybe this sounds a little weird since obviously most people are named by their parents, but I got to choose my own name - my English one, at least. Sure my Korean name was picked out for me well before I had any clue, but during our family's brief stint in suburban Ohio my parents felt it was right for me to also adopt an English name. They asked me for my input and, being the huge fan of old Wonder Woman reruns, I chose - or insisted on, depending upon who you ask - "Linda," (after Lynda Carter or maybe even a little Linda Harrison I realized after doing a little digging; there were a lot of "Lindas" going on around the concept of Wonder Woman, I guess).
Yes, I know perhaps my homage to Wonder Woman would have been more fitting had I named myself "Diana" but give a girl some slack - I was just a few years old and was a lot more inclined to admire this character's super powers and eye-catching costume than to care about the distinctions between the beautiful actress and the story.
Fast forward to 2010 and despite Hollywood's inability to produce a Wonder Woman flick amid many attempts and myriad rumors, guess who apparently will: Vivid Entertainment (if you haven't figured out, this link is NSFW). The adult video company has announced the formation of Vivid-Superhero (this link is SFW), a stable of videos based on classic superheroes. Naturally Wonder Woman is a character that most comic nerds would love to see in any format so one would think that the power house that is Vivid would come correct on this important interpretation, right?
According to GFest, the answer is no. The image above is of the future Wonder Woman played by adult actress Tori Black and GFest gets right to the point:
1. Wonder Woman has boobs, pretty big ones in fact. Yet they apparently found the only porn actress in the world who doesn't have boobs to play the role of Princess Diana.
2. She's a Princess of the Amazons, not the Princess of the Trailer Park. Clean that porch up for Hera's sake, and buy yourself some real patio furniture.
3. That may possibly be the least sexy Wonder Woman costume ever made. Who has ever seen a Wonder Woman costume that doesn't expose some cleavage.
I know its just a porn movie, but if you're going to do Wonder Woman, you should do her right. And hard.
I have to admit that even my 5-year-old self may have questioned the weird costume on the mysterious lady standing on the cluttered porch above. But will this upcoming cinematic triumph include the assets of Wonder Woman that I admired most, the qualities that made me name myself after her in the first place: super agility/speed/stamina, an innate rapport with animals, high level tactical warfare skills and grown-up toys like her invisible jet and Lasso of Truth...? At the very least, I hope she utters "Suffering Sappho!"